omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
