I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
