I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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