He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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