It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
