Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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