i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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