And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
