You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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