My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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