We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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