Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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