Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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