i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
