I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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