so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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