Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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