So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
