Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
