It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
