her vagine was all disorganized.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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