This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
