are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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