he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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