I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
