i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
