I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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