I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
