its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
