She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
