We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
