he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
