yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
