Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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