Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
