There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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