Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
