I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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