We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
