my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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