wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
