I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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