It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
