i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
