my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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