How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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