i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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