If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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