then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize