dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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