so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
