I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
