Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
