well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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