420 ftw
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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