Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
