Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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