I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
