He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
