So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
