you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize