It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my shit smells like andre
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
