You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize